


Frank Is Not A Purple People Eater

by ermengarde



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2186328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermengarde/pseuds/ermengarde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the bandom meme prompt: because I'm not a zombie, just a monster. RT @ierohemmings: @FrankIero why didnt you eat the children after you killed them...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frank Is Not A Purple People Eater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [akamine_chan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/gifts).



His life would be easier, Frank thinks, if the the Waybros weren't so fucking accepting of weird shit. Like, it's fine, it's kinda nice to know that he doesn't need to worry about anyone fucking with his den on the bus or shit like that, but Jesus FUCK... can't a monster just be a fucking monster without having to feel like they're letting everyone down by not being a rotting zombie, too?

Gerard is so earnest about everyone being beautiful and differences being important, and not conforming to stereotypes and undead rights and all of that shit and fuck... it's the only time in his entirely life that Frank hasn't felt the need to hide his red fur patches and the fact that his favorite food is moss, and all that kind of thing, but he also spends at least 30% of his time feeling guilty that he isn't undead and that he can't appreciate Gerard campaigning for his rights, and that he isn't repulsive and oozy (in his vainer moments Frank's pretty sure he's kinda good looking, actually, even by society's fucked up normative ideal...). It SUCKS. 

...Obviously it doesn't suck TOO hard, after all it would be fucking difficult to be vegetarian if he had to live on brains or eat children, but... Why can't he be in a band with normal people who'd be grateful that Frankie looks mostly human? 

Why does he keep having to have the conversation about not wanting to eat any kind of ground up dead thing - _no, really, it's not just him being considerate of Gerard's delicate constitution_ (delicate constitution his _ass_ , Gerard would fucking bathe in blood if he could) - and about how his bed-lair is _supposed_ to be dark and damp (no, not conform to society's expectations or for the dead people or his thralls or his minions. It's like his bridge at home and it is _actually_ comfortable, even if vampires like nice warm beds just as much as their coffins, did you know? ...Fuck off Gerard) and really a pillow and three more blankets ARE NOT GOING TO HELP IT BE DANK. Even if they're green. Okay, that mossy-colored one is nice, but in general: NO BLANKETS. STOP LEAVING THEM IN HELPFUL PILES IN FRONT OF THE ENTRANCE MIKEY, HOLY SHIT.

It gets better when Bob joins them. Bob is an actual, honest-to-God Cave Troll, and Gerard and Mikey have read the Lord of the Rings approximately 946,000 times too many to not ask him to swing weapons around so that they can pretend to be Hobbits. And then it turns out that Ray's a vampire, and is so totally in stealth mode that Gerard stops trying to persuade Frank and Bob to not conform to species stereotypes completely because Ray doesn't conform to ANY of his at all, and Gee's worried that Ray's broken, so it's all good, really. 

Totally just his luck that the two weirdest fuckers in his band are the humans though.


End file.
